


Isolation

by bjelkemander



Series: The Black Dog [8]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Dependent, Depression, Isolation, M/M, codependent, lonely gote, sad gote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 19:42:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17473802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjelkemander/pseuds/bjelkemander
Summary: Asriel is alone.





	Isolation

He was awake, but he wasn’t. The blare of his third alarm was all that cut through the dense haze, and all his motivation flowed into silencing the incessant wail. In a fugue, he grasped for his phone, tapping around aimlessly to mute the alarm. He succeeded after a few tries, dropping the device back to the bedsheets, barely even taking a glance at the screen - no messages from Frisk. Collapsing back to his pillow, the goat boy tried to focus on the slivers of light peeking through the curtains. It was to no avail, Asriel’s eyes sliding shut as quickly as he’d been roused, falling once again into a light slumber. It was one minute past nine.

It took quite a few hours more for the prince to wake naturally. Things had improved since he’d switched medications  
\- he’d no longer fall asleep at night and awake to the dark, having snoozed the whole day - but he was still a heavy sleeper. There was something of a paradox to it all. His dreams were haunted by the sins of the past, like a dark box of smoke and demons, yet he seemed to prefer it to waking without Frisk. The human was naturally adept at waking him when he had to, but the security and direction they gave him were equally important.

Frisk. Asriel groaned as he rolled to his side, finally slipping back to consciousness, tapping his phone awake. Still nothing. His partner was away for work - just one night, he’d said, and he’d be back in the afternoon. Some event or speech or ceremony in the capital. Nothing that Asriel could particularly bring himself to go to, and certainly nothing that Frisk particularly wanted to attend. Still, he was the Ambassador, and there were some obligations that just couldn’t be turned down. That left Asriel alone, fending for himself, in the cavernous, empty structure that he and the human called home.

Home. It was strange to finally have somewhere called that again. The fact that it was on the Surface just made him wonder if this was all still part of the game, just another level that would eventually yield to the irresistible narrative forces of whatever greater power controlled it. Yet it was as real to him as anything ever had been, something beyond his wildest dreams. He was alive, he could feel, he was on the Surface, and he was with Frisk - the human he’d always wanted by his side. He was safe.

If only he could tell his emotions that.

His phone bounced from the bed to the floor with a dull thud as he collapsed back against the bed. Asriel barely stirred to check its condition. He just wanted to fall back asleep. He just wanted to lose awareness for another eight or so hours, until Frisk was home, and he could go back to doing what he knew. He could hardly count this among his loneliest moments, even since his return, but the deep dread of isolation still stuck in his gut. He had no drive, no function, no purpose. He could have just laid there for hours, eyes locked on the window, waiting for his partner to finally return to him.

The sun slowly creeping past the top of the western window struck a pang of guilt in Asriel’s mind. He’d only had the energy to prepare instant mac-and-cheese for dinner the previous night, yet had barely managed to finish the bowl before slumping off the bed - the pots and dishes were still abandoned in the sink. It would just be more work for Frisk if he came home from his trip, exhausted and ready to sleep, and found himself still having to clean up after Asriel again. He couldn’t have that maelstrom of anxiety swirling inside him. Taking a few last moments to savour the peace and tranquility of the bed, he shoved himself to his feet, making his way out to the living space.

All being told, he wouldn’t have created too great of a mess for Frisk had he not pulled himself from his malaise. The house was mostly untouched save for the clutter in the sink and an empty soda can on the coffee table. He took the can and made a half-hearted shot toward the recycling; it turned in the air and clattered just off the edge of the bin, loudly tumbling to the floor. Just another thing that didn’t go right, he thought, as he trudged to the kitchen and retrieved the container. He groaned quietly as he realised he’d trod in the syrupy spill on the floor - he’d have to shower soon if he was going to get the sticky mess out. At least he’d be freshened up for Frisk.

Asriel turned his attention to the sink, weakly scrubbing at the slightly-burned mess in the bottom. Chara had always been the superior cook, and Frisk was certainly no exception from that tradition. He did have to admit, it was certainly nice to eat things beside mushrooms and snails - he’d always heard about what food was like on the Surface, but it was beyond anything Chara had even tried to approximate. He’d have been just as happy with Frisk making simple soups and stews every night, but the human loved cooking for him - Frisk would never brag, but he could never conceal the hint of pride of his face whenever he and Asriel sat down for dinner.

That would probably be for another night, though. Frisk would hopefully be picking up something on the way home, given how tired he always was after these trips. The human rarely complained about his duties, but the experience necessarily wore him down - long flights, short nights, interminable speeches and ceremonies. Asriel was always sure to watch events Frisk attended on TV where he could. It was the closest he could imagine himself to being there - even small crowds stressed him out, and he couldn’t imagine being around some of those Frisk encountered. That was without having to exercise diplomatic duties like his partner did. He was just glad he could help him relax when he finally did make it back.

Giving the pot a few good, hard chisels with the scourer to dislodge as much as he could of the burned mess, Asriel sighed. Frisk would probably have to soak the pan even after it went through the dishwasher. At least he could come home to a tidy house. He might be more forgiving about the extra work after he’d had a chance to sleep for eight or thirteen hours. In any case, it was out of sight, and out of mind as far as Asriel was presently concerned. He hadn’t been planning on doing much today, but that was less his choice and more the reality of his daily life. It was just hard to find the energy to break through.

The glare of the sun struck him as he began to trudge back to the bedroom to clean up. He drew the drapes closed, casting the room back in shadow. He wasn’t in a hurry to do anything. It was rare that he found ways to occupy himself when Frisk wasn’t about. Modelbuilding passed the time, but it wasn’t much solace when he felt this alone. Still, it might be worth a try depending how the shower made him feel. Grabbing his towel from the floor - it was still damp from late last night - he entered the bathroom, stooping at the mirror to inspect himself.

His fur was dull and dry, nowhere near the soft, thick sheen it usually had to it. Frisk had started helping him apply his shampoo and conditioner when he felt like this, but that hadn’t been much help last night. It wouldn’t be a real problem, but it stung to know it was just another thing he couldn’t take care of on his own. His eyes were slightly bloodshot, hugged by the dark bags below - his sleep was often restless, even when his nightmares didn’t haunt him. Turning on the tap he cupped his hands to drink, letting it flow over his slightly dry and sticky tongue. He wasn’t usually at his best when he’d just gotten up, but here he just looked tired. Exhausted.

The goat boy twisted the shower on, turning it just that little bit extra hot. Maybe the heat would help soothe him, or at least straighten his fur out. He stepped under the pulsing jet, swirling the water in his mouth to clean out the weird, stale taste. He always felt like scum taking a shower this late in the day. He usually heard Frisk rising in the morning for work, ready to face the day, while he could only mumble a half-awake ‘goodbye’ and hide away from the world again. He knew how hard the human worked, not just for monsters and humans, but for him, and it tore him to pieces that he couldn’t equivocate. It was more than he deserved.

Frisk had always been so kind to him, even before they truly realised who the other was. It could only be in their nature. He couldn’t remember ever seeing the human strike out in anger, or lose their patience, or try to take advantage of someone. They were the antithesis of every human story his father had spoke of all those years ago, the creatures he’d been forced to fight for survival against. It was almost all water under the bridge. Except, of course, for himself, still stuck on the unresolved guilt of who he’d been, what he’d done, and those he’d hurt.

It still didn’t sit right with him that such a pure human as Frisk could fall for someone like him. Somebody who had spent almost all the time they could remember in sin, somebody who had tormented and tortured his now-partner. Yes, he was burdened by delusion in almost every aspect at the time, but it was still part of the sum of choices he’d made. Nothing could erase that. As much as Frisk did to support him and try to bring him back to where he could be himself again, it was hard for him to see a way to truly atone and heal. It was just too much burden to allow anyone else to bear.

He slammed the water flow off, jaw slightly clenched. The shower hadn’t done anything to improve his mood at all. If anything, there was just more on his mind now. And Frisk still wasn’t due back for another six hours at least. Grabbing his towel, the caprine lazily dried himself off, his fur still slightly frizzy and damp. It didn’t really matter. He had no urge to do anything but collapse back into bed and hide in the dark. Drawing the blinds in the bedroom again and collapsing onto the bed, he stared upward tiredly as he began idly scrolling through his phone.

...

You pressed on through the dark, wild night, highbeams barely cutting through the thick fog of the evening storm. As if it weren’t enough that the blizzard had left you circling above the airport for nearly two hours, it now threatened to send you flying off the road should a tight bend or railing come up too quickly. At least you knew the roads well. You were late enough already; you couldn’t imagine what Asriel had been thinking. You’d tried to send him a message once you’d landed, but cell coverage seemed spotty at best. You could only hope it had made it through to him.

It was bad enough you’d left Asriel home alone by himself in the first place. As much as the goat boy’s condition continued to improve, you didn’t like to leave him alone by himself when you could avoid it. He spent so much time with so much on his mind that it was the least you could do was be by his side to comfort him. You’d promised Asgore, after all. You wanted to love and protect your partner, and being away from him felt like compromising that. Some commitments were unavoidable, but that didn’t mean you liked it. He needed somebody by his side.

Dipping your lights as you approached the house, you peered around the facade. Lights mostly off. Not surprising for this time of night, but you hoped Asriel had been up today, even if he had just been modelbuilding. It was good for him to have routine. You felt so helpless when you couldn’t even manage to rouse him from bed, as rare as those days were becoming. You could only ever imagine the anguish he suffered. You’d guided him out of the darkness physically, but mentally he may as well have still been lost.

Slipping from the car, you tread carefully across the icy ground. The door was still double-locked from when you’d left. You couldn’t really blame Asriel for not venturing out in this weather. Still, the house seemed untouched as you stepped inside. The shades were drawn, doors closed, TV off. Peering down the stairwell, Asriel’s study seemed dark as well - it was as though you’d come home to an empty house. Setting your scarf and gloves down on the countertop, you made your way toward the bedroom, door already cracked slightly, prodding it open.

“Mmph... F-Frisk?”

Asriel was in yours arm in an instant; you could only imagine this was the fastest he’d moved all day. He shook slightly as he gripped onto your shoulders, arms tense. The goat boy inhaled deeply as he clung tightly to you, your own arms slipping around his lower waist and rubbing at his back reassuringly. His fur was stiff and ungroomed, swirling and spiking in odd places. He was undressed save for his underwear, the warm glow of the internal heating already starting to make you feel flush. The caprine sniffled slightly as he drew back, trying to avoid meeting your eyes. His were bloodshot red. That was never a positive sign.

“I-I thought you were going to call.” The cell network must have been out. Wonderful.

You sighed and hugged him tightly, squeezing the goat boy close. He yelped and pulled away suddenly, sending your heart racing before you noticed the thin dusting of frost on your coat - you may have been boiling inside, but it would have been like an ice cube to your partner. Shedding your jacket to the floor lazily, you stooped to untie your shoes. Asriel slumped back to the edge of the bed, staring down at his lap.

“I cleaned up the dishes in the sink. One of us might need to unpack the dishwasher later, though...” He groaned and fell back to the bed, flopped on his side. “Sorry, Frisk, I would have done more, I just-“ He paused. “I just haven’t been feeling really well today, and you weren’t here, and I couldn’t get your messages, and-“

He gasped and seized up as you slipped in behind him, drawing the goat boy into your embrace. You were stripped down to just your business shirt and underwear, entangling your legs with his to savour the soft, wispy fluff between his thighs. Asriel sighed as you grabbed the cover and pulled it across the two of you, the slight chill that remained on your skin disappearing as you cuddled into your partner’s fur. You both lay there, lazily interlinking fingers, everything you’d been meaning to say to Asriel drifting away to tomorrow’s priority. Eventually, he shifted, flipping over toward you, eyes still red, but softer and tired now.

“I-I’m such a crybaby, aren’t I, Frisk?”

You shook your head and quickly dove in, pressing your lips against his own. He whined softly and threw his arms around you, snuggling deeply into your chest as you lay back in bed. The two of you rested like that as you both drift off to sleep, safe with each other from the wild, howling world outside.


End file.
